Post from my anticipated devotion Grief Gift Book

We know that in all things God works for good for those who love him, for those whom he has called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Sometimes it still hurts although much time has passed. The memory of when I could have been nicer, more understanding, more considerate haunts my thoughts. In any long-term relationship, each of us knows our limit. Why are we least compassionate with those we love most?
When that dear, dear friend is gone–why do I remember, “This is my business, let me run it?”
Why do I remember saying words that hurt–“What I think you should do is. . .?”
Why do I remember, “I don’t want to. . .?”
Then I force myself to think. I’ve been a Christian a long time. Every day for that long time I’ve prayed for God to make me who he wants me to be. Could my questioning, my suggestions, my curtness have been what was needed at the time? As I think again, the Holy Spirit reminds me that day after day, time after time my prayer had been, “Make him into the person you want him to be, because if you make him into the person I want him to be–he can never become who you want him to be.”
I must also consider–what if I’d never allowed myself to love? Maybe it would hurt less now. “Why would I throw away the experiences and wonderful times we shared; I wouldn’t.”
So, in the quiet of this moment with God, I remember and suddenly, I’m joyful. No, life will never be the same. I must be thankful.

Dear God, Bring joy to my life as I thank you for happenings and memories shared with one I loved. Amen

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